Love Letter No. 1

I pick you up from your crib when you cry out in the middle of the night and I see the tear stain on your pink little cheek. As I wipe the tear away we walk together to the rocking chair, me holding you, with your head fitting perfectly on my shoulder. I hum to you the sweet songs of how much I love you, your breathing patterns slowly start to slow down to match mine and I feel your heartbeat against my chest. As the sniffles start to die away your stunning blue eyes flutter shut and with every blink your eyelids get heavier and heavier. The next thing I know you have drifted off to sleep and I know you are having sweet dreams because I see a smile cross your face as your eyelids twitch mid-slumber. I realize that you will not always be this little so I hug you tight against me. In just a few short years you will wiggle away from my hugs and kisses, and one day you will hold ME in YOUR arms. Rocking you to sleep is not a chore to me, it is a privilege. I shuffle back to your crib and kiss your forehead and breathe in your sweet smell. One more hug before I gently lay you in your bed. As I touch your angel face I tell you I love you. You quietly stir at my touch and roll over to your belly. One last look before I leave you to dream and I realize that this is what i was always meant to do. I was born to be your mom.

So once again I have neglected my blog. I hope you're not mad. To catch you up, we are still staying with my parents. Josh has lost his job, and at the moment we are both jobless and searching for jobs with no success. Bryant has learned to stand on his own and is getting a lot of teeth. I tell you, those teeth of his are brutal! I thought he bit through my fingernail last night! I hesitate to put any part of my body in front of his mouth now. He LOVES food. Just like his mommy and daddy, he will be a foodie. His bright blue eyes light up when he sees a plate of food being prepared. I don't blame him though. To him, each new taste is a new adventure. The boy loves lemons! What baby not only likes but LOVES lemons? I have been baking my booty off these last few weeks. When I am in the kitchen I have a little monkey-man attached to my leg. He is not interested in the plastic containers I give him to bang and throw around. He wants to see what sweet concoction mommy is making. He is my little chef, I call him the cake baby. I like to let him feel the flour, and sugar, and other dry ingredients. I let him watch me mix, and whisk. He bangs on the oven door with impatience when I need to get the cakes out of the oven. I cannot wait to see if he will be a baker when he grows up!

It's been awhile

So, it has been almost a month since my last blog. I have been neglecting my writing because honestly I did not feel very positive about the way things have been working out recently. Our job situation has not been the greatest lately, and unfortunately we are having to move to my parent's home for a few months until we can get things worked out again. I feel this will benefit us in the long run. With all of the bad news lately, I feel that it is so hard to concentrate on the little things, but even as I type, I find myself disagreeing with myself. I can always find joy in my son, and the things he learns and does daily. This time in our lives is very humbling and is proving to be difficult to stay positive, but it is also providing my family with a fresh start and brand new outlook on our short term and long term goals.

Through this entire month, I have felt a peace about the situations that have been brought forth in this economy's fragile state...I wont pretend I haven't lost sleep or fretted to the point of tears, but there has always been a peace. The peace I find is in God and all of the ways He provides for me and my family. We have yet to do without anything we need. I have the most wonderful family and friends anyone could ask for. We have had groceries given to us, somehow our utility bill was paid...and I still haven't been able to figure out how, our landlord is more understanding than I could ever expect her to be, we have the most amazing neighbors, and we have prayer warriors continuously praying for us. All in all I have to say we are beyond blessed even in our trials. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the grand scheme of things to truly see all of the goodness in your life.

In the past month my son has become an entirely different person. His personality has grown so much. He is crawling (with some encouragement), he has cut two teeth, and he will be six months old in two days! Bryant crawled for the very first time while the three of us were sitting on the couch. Bryant was looking at me and I could tell he was hungry, I told him to come to me and he crawled from Josh's lap across the couch to me. I cried like a baby! It still amazes me that the tiny life that started in my belly just last year has learned so much and grown so much. I cried because I am so proud of him, because time has flown by so fast, because I worry for his future, because I am so emotional now that I am a mom, and because he is becoming more and more of and individual daily. Teething has been a little difficult but Bryant is a champ and has handled it relatively well. I tell you though, his chompers are sharp! I am hesitant to put my fingers within biting distance of him anymore. For Bryant's six month birthday I will be making him some kind of baby friendly cake, I haven't decided exactly what yet. But it will be in the form of a half cake...for his half birthday...get it? I will definitely post some pictures of the cutie.

In the past month I have learned so much. About faith. About my son. About me and Josh and the wonderful relationship we have in spite of stress. About how things always tend to work out, but not always how you want. To my readers, is there any advice you would share with families who are having a tough time in a recovering economy? Do you have a story about hard times in your life that you learned from? How do you find joy when it seems like nothing will work out?

This is my reason for everything I do. :)

Mothers

Mommy Moment #1132: When I was at the grocery store this past Saturday buying diapers, the cashier looked down at my purchase of Huggies and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. It felt so odd to be recognized as a mother for the first time, but it also felt so great!

This past Sunday was the first time that I had the privilege to be celebrated as a mother on Mother's Day. It was such a wonderful feeling. Josh built me a flower box for our single open-able window so I can grow some fresh herbs for cooking. Bryant and I napped together, it was a quiet and perfect day. I couldn't ask for a better family.

Now that I am a mom, I have an even greater appreciation for all of the mothers in my life. I was blessed to have so many female mentors to teach me and guide me and make me the woman I am today. My mother, my step mother, both of my grandmothers, countless aunts, but one lady in particular I always looked up to was my late great-grandmother. Lonnie Bell Isom was one of the strongest, sweetest, caring, honest, loving, concerned, and nurturing mothers I have ever known.

While my mother and my father worked, my grandmomma would keep me and my brother and sister. I can't remember a time in my childhood without her. Her and my grandaddy would bicker back and forth, he would send us outside to pick the pine cones up out of the yard and she would bring us some gloves because those pricks were gonna hurt our little hands. We never left her home empty handed, she would buy kit kat bars, fruit, pudding packs, and anything else our heart desired so we could pack our treats in a brown paper bag to take home with us. I miss her so much. We would sit and watch tv with her, she liked watching soap operas. She would tell me stories of her grandmother, her children, her courtin' days, her daddy...she had a way of telling stories that always kept me intrigued. Grandmomma always adored her roses, they were her pride and joy. She never raised her voice at us, not a single time, she didn't have to. She was a lady that got respect without having to ask for it. I hope to be like her, if I can be just a shadow of the lady that Lonnie Bell was, I will be doing good. I miss my grandmomma so much, but I am glad I had her around as long as I did.

Raspberries

Mommy Moment #1323: Last week Bryant learned how to "blow his tongue" at us. He sticks out his tongue and blows it, making a raspberry sound. Now when we do it to him, he does it back.

It am so in awe at how much Bryant has learned in five months, and how much I have learned in five months. I wish a lot of things that I had to learn would have been shared with me while I was pregnant. I read books and blogs constantly while I was pregnant and some things were never addressed. Now I am giving advice to my friend Jen about her pregnancy and delivery and newborn baby and I compiled this list of "10 things books won't tell you."

Most of these things people won't normally tell you. This list is made up of things I WISHED I would have been told going into my pregnancy and delivery of my son.


1.Breastfeeding isn't easy:
It will hurt a lot, and it may hurt for a long time. You may have bleeding and cracked nipples, your baby may have to be taught how to latch correctly, let down is going to be painful, you will probably have clogged ducts at some point, you could get an infection, and your going to cry...a lot. Be sure to let your partner know that HIS support for you will make all the difference. The women who succeed in breastfeeding are the ones who had the most support. During the painful days ask him to hand express your breast while you feed with the other. Just know that no matter how much pain you go through, breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding things you can do for your child.

2.Most newborn clothes will go to waste:
Do not waste your money on a bunch of newborn sized clothes, you will not use them all. I have an entire box full of newborn clothes that were not even worn. Be sure you have enough to last a month at the most, ten to fifteen outfits will be plenty. And don't try to buy dressy newborn clothes because as soon as you dress your baby he/she will pee, puke, or poop on them and you will have to change the outfit.

3.Newborn poops are noisy:
A newborn baby's first poop is called meconium. It is a tar-like black substance consisting of materials that were ingested during the time the infant spent in the womb. After that, baby's poop is pretty much liquid until he starts eating solids. Liquid poop makes lots of noise and can be forceful coming out. Beware of projectile poop while changing your baby's diaper. Be sure to put the new diaper underneath him/her so you can keep poop from going everywhere if this happens.

4.“Getting to know” baby takes a while:
It is completely normal if you have a hard time adjusting to mommy hood right after child birth. Not everything comes naturally and not everyone snaps into “mom mode” immediately. Give yourself a break and remember your body is going through a lot of hormonal changes and they should subside gradually after birth. If you feel depressed, or if you feel you want to harm yourself or your baby talk to someone. Do not feel ashamed. Sometimes women have postpartum depression and the sooner you tell someone the sooner you will feel better.

5.You will bleed postpartum:
For a few weeks you will be wearing pads and changing them so often you will feel like you are wearing diapers just like your baby. The bleeding is normal for up to three to four weeks as long as it does not get heavier. You can spot for up to six weeks. If you get the chance, lay on a towel on your bed without any panties or pads and let yourself dry out and air out. All of the moisture can cause infections if you are not careful.

6.You will hurt postpartum:
Not only will you bleed but recovery will hurt. Your uterus will continue to contract when you breastfeed especially. The first time you try to poop you will feel like you are turning inside out. You will be constipated, your back will feel out of alignment. Your shoulders will hurt. You will be emotional over every little thing. You will be sweaty, and still look about four months pregnant. It will probably burn when you pee. Your tears will hurt and burn. Your feminine area will be loose and stretched for a week or so. As stated above, your breasts and nipples will be going through hell. But believe me, it is ALL worth it. I would do it all over again if I were given the chance.

7.You wont have time for anything else:
It is so nice to think that when you come home you will have a clean house, laundry done, and dinner on the table every night. Wrong. A baby takes so much time to care for, even with two people doing it. Learn to let the housework go and rest with your baby. The housework will be there when you come back to it. And the more rest you get, the quicker you will heal.

8.You wont know what your crying baby wants:
At first you will not know the difference in your baby's cries. The more time you spend with him/her the better you will get to know them. Just remember, a low pitched cry usually means they are hungry, a high pitched cry means they are in pain (usually from gas), if the crying builds in intensity he or she is tired, and if the baby is bored it will sound like a whimper.

9.Baby might mix up night and day:
To help prevent or correct this try taking baby outside in the sunshine for a few minutes a few times a day, let her feel new textures, smell new things, and hear new noises. When it is night time keep the atmosphere sleepy. No light, no talking, giggling or singing, no loud noises. Wake her up to feed, burp, change the diaper, and immediately lay her back down. She will get the idea eventually.

10.Your sex life will change:
After having a child you will be more attracted to your lover than ever before, but for a month or more sex will be off limits. You need to obey this rule to allow your body to heal. The first time you try to have sex after you have a baby be sure to warn your partner that it may not happen completely. If you feel discomfort, stop and try again after a few more days. Once your feel comfortable enough proceed with caution, take things slow. And if it does not feel like it used to, don't worry that is normal. You will eventually get back in the groove of things and it will be better than ever!

This was written from my experience of a vaginal natural birth. What would you add for a c-section delivery? Or for those of you who had an epidural?

Wives Tales and Pregnancy Myths

Mommy Moment #1316:  I find myself telling an expectant mother the same things that I once laughed at (less than one year ago) as an expectant mother.

You know how the moment you get pregnant, people start giving you advice?  You get advice on everything from "indigestion means your baby will have a head full of hair" to "sleep now, because once the baby is here you wont" and "don't lift anything over your head or the you will choke the baby with the umbilical cord."   Many of the wives tales and myths surrounding pregnancies are obviously just that-tales and myths.  That doesn't seem to deter well-meaning friends and relatives from recounting these tales and myths over and over to you, and insisting that a pencil or needle and thread can predict the gender of your child.

The past few weeks I have found myself reminiscing about my pregnancy and recounting many moments that I remember fondly, and I start to realize that there are many things that are said that are completely true.  For example,  "you will miss being pregnant", "time will fly by", "a baby will bring the mommy and daddy closer together", "you have never known love until you have a child", "trust your instincts", and my favorite "you won't remember the pain."  I do miss being pregnant.  I miss having my baby safely in my womb where no one could harm him, I miss having that extra bond between us.  Time is moving by at the speed of light and I feel like I cannot even catch my breath some days or I will miss out on something.  Bryant has brought Josh and I closer together in a way that we never would have known without our son.  I loved many people before I became a mother, but the love I have for my son could move mountains, and calm seas if only I could harness it and use it as a form of energy.  My instincts as a mother surpasses most anything that a doctor could tell me.  And finally, my memory of the birth of my son somehow ignores all of the pain that was involved (and that is saying a lot considering I delivered him one hundred percent naturally.)

Now, when I come across a friend or loved one who is expecting their own precious angel, I find myself offering the same words of wisdom that were passed on to me not even a year ago.  I must admit that when loved ones originally shared their experiences and advice with me I doubted much of the reliability of their words.  I now know that every sentence uttered to me was completely true, and every word was spoken with love.  And you will now find me sitting right beside the pregnant lady in the room telling her everything I can remember about my own experiences, offering her as much advice as she will tolerate me giving, and recounting my own stories with a knowing twinkle in my eye that as a mother will always be there when I speak of my child/children.

Once you are a mommy, you are a lifetime member of the greatest club in the whole world.

Here are a few of my maternity photos:

Do you have any wives tales or advice to offer expectant mommies and daddies?

He gives me butterflies...

Mommy Moment #1233:  All my baby has to do is give me one little smile, and I instantly get one thousand butterflies in my tummy.  I cannot believe this perfect little person in my arms is my son.  Half me, half Josh.  I couldn't ask for more.

If you guessed from the title of this post that I would be gushing like a school girl about my love for Josh, well--you are half right.  This blog is dedicated to my son, but in recognition of how much I love my son I must make this clear.  I am totally enamored with Josh.  Someone once said, when referring to their love, "you are the butter to my bread."  I feel that way sometimes.  Without Josh I am still me, but a much more bland version of me.  Had I never met my love I would have continued in existence, and maybe have been perfectly content.  But once I found him I knew I would never be the same and could never be without him, because without him I am a butterless piece of bread.  And how can you eat bread without butter once you have had the joy of trying it WITH butter?  It just cannot be.  So Joshua, I love you, you are my butter.

With that being said, I now have a rosy cheeked, chubby legged, snorting, dimpled, angel to show for the love Josh and I share.  Every time I see my baby smile, my heart skips a beat, my tummy fills with butterflies and I am happier with every moment of the day.  I am thrilled to be a mother, and consider it a privilege to be Bryant's mommy.  Okay, enough of all the sappy stuff here is a picture of my angel.